


Tell Me, Is This Freedom?

by hanbeone



Series: Love don't come easy at all [2]
Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, Super Junior
Genre: Changkyu bromance is food for the soul, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 04:45:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4593315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanbeone/pseuds/hanbeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unfortunately, Changmin isn't a superhero.</p><p>OR</p><p>Kyuhyun has an emotional break down and Changmin helps him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell Me, Is This Freedom?

**Author's Note:**

> This is an out-take/companion piece of "He Was A Dreamer At Heart, Chasing the Stars". But i suppose this could work as a stand alone. Maybe. If this doesn't make sense then just go read the first chapter of the other fic.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Changmin asked. He stood behind his best friend, carefully balancing two cups of steaming tea while watching Kyuhyun annihilate Zerg after Zerg on the computer screen.

“Nope,” Kyuhyun replied stiffly. Coldly.

Changmin mentally groaned at the response as he sat the mugs on his dresser. No, the male wasn't about to let Kyuhyun off that easily. Not after seeing how kyuhyun had barely held himself together during the car ride to Changmin's dorm.  

“I'm just saying, it might be a good idea to get it off your chest, you know?” Changmin slumped down on his bed, studying his best friend who had been immersed in one of their favourite pastimes for the past forty minutes.

Kyuhyun's body was rigid upon the wooden chair. His back was straight and shoulders drawn forward,as if he were trying to close himself off from his surroundings. The clicks and taps on the keyboard grew more passive-aggressive by the minute, but Kyuhyun remained silent, not giving any indication that he had registered Changmin's words.

“Kyu-yah?” Changmin tried again.

“They won’t stop. Damn it!”

Kyuhyun suddenly slammed a heavy hand down on the computer desk, causing Changmin to jerk from his bed at the mini explosion. The monitor teetered violently from the impact.

“Kyuhyun!” changmin shouted.  He made quick work of restraining Kyuhyun from taking his frustration out on the poor computer. On the screen, a swarm of Zergs took over the base. “Just a game, Kyu. My computer isn't the one to have hurt you.” he chided.

Kyuhyun released an annoyed puff of air, but let Changmin drag him away from the desk nonetheless. He obliged when Changmin pushed him down on the bouncy mattress, drawing his legs close to his body. Kyuhyun sat in the middle of the bed with his hands folded in his lap and head ducked out of view, while Changmin allowed him to stay lost in his own world for a little so that he could plan out how to approach this mess.

“Kyu, come on. It's only me. We tell each other everything,” Changmin gently spoke, “Just let me in.”

“There isn't anything to talk about,” Kyuhyun's rasped in a pleading tone.  

At those words Changmin began rubbing circles on Kyuhyun's back, pleased that the other male didn't shrug away from the comforting touch. In fact, Changmin could feel him relenting. This was an old practice they've been doing for quite some years and it had yet to fail.

“That's a terrible lie. You outed yourself in front of all your hyungs and they played it off as a joke. That's harsh, Kyu. Not to mention that the guy you've been crushing on for ages announced that he's falling for somebody else right after. That is like a fucking slap in your face.”

And he had a heavy heart as he watched Kyuhyun struggle to find his voice. When Kyuhyun did find it, the usually smooth voice was croaky, brimming with emotions that Changmin could only try to understand.

“I-it hurts.” It's really fucking painful. Kyuhyun's chest was unbelievably tight, a lump stuck in his throat that wouldn’t go away no matter how hard he swallowed, a feeling of numbness, oh, and there's also the part where he really, really hated who he was right then. He splayed his hands over his chest, grasping the fabric of his shirt. “It hurts, Chwang.”

“Of course it hurts." Changmin kept the circles on kyuhyun's back consistent and firm. "Coming from the people you love and look up to- you know acceptance is something that we all crave, but sometimes it can be a lonely, scary road to walk- and rejections strike deep it- who knows the truth anyway?” Changmin rambled, switching from one topic to the next so fast that Kyuhyun could hardly keep up.

“Just Ryeowook and Zhou Mi. And I think Siwon knows too. But I haven't told him and he hasn't asked but just the way he looks at me sometimes- he knows.” And god, did he want to curl up in a ball and never leave that room...how pathetic is that anyway? “They were all so scandalized. And then they laughed at me. He laughed at me. I ca- I can't-”

“You don't have to,” Changmin gently cut in, halting the circles on kyuhyun's back in favour of rubbing the other’s arm and shoulders. “You don't have to tell them anything if you aren't ready, kyu-yah. But you know you can't hide part of yourself from your hyungs forever. They are going to find out sooner or later and wouldn't it be best if it came from you?" Changmin didn't ask it in hopes of an answer, more of just some insight. "Tonight was an unfortunate disaster and I wish that things could be different. That there was something I can do.”

Because being queer in a society that tends to shun what is different is one thing. And being queer in the entertainment industry is a whole different story. But being queer in the entertainment industry and also in love with a band mate who seems to have only spoke of heterosexual interests, and has also unknowingly broken your heart, is something completely unimaginable. Especially when you're forced to live with that person and be in close contact with them day after day.

And it hurt Changmin, knowing that there wasn't anything that he could do to change things for his best friend. If he could extinguish the negativity on sexualities that weren't straight-bred, Changmin would do it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, he's not a superhero- only the maknae of a boy band.

“Being here for me, that is something,” Kyuhyun mumbled, sounding like he was about to tip over the edge. It happened only seconds later. One sob muffled by Kyuhyun's hand, another following right after, then Changmin watched helplessly as the tears started rolling down Kyuhyun's cheeks, his arm, splashing onto his jeans.

They were hot tears, heavy and full of shame, embarrassment, self-pity and hurt.

Tucking Kyuhyun into a hug, Changmin allowed the front of his periodic table t-shirt to be soaked by tears and snot. What are best friends for, really.

“You're strong,” Changmin soothed which caused Kyuhyun to whimper woefully because he sure as hell didn't feel strong at that moment.

When kyuhyun's tears stopped falling, the boys slowly pulled apart from their embrace. Kyuhyun used his shirt to pat his face dry while Changmin stood up to peel his own soiled shirt from his body, changing into pyjamas. He then dropped a pair of his pyjamas in kyuhyun's lap and Kyuhyun followed his lead, stripping from skinny jeans and a t shirt.

"Yunho made us chamomile tea," Changmin said at last, retrieving the forgotten mugs from his dresser. "Still a little warm."

Kyuhyun graciously accepted the drink, wrapped it tightly in both hands. Watching stealthily as Kyuhyun sipped conflictingly at the tea left Changmin with a pain in his chest. Mending a broken heart was never an easy job, but he'd be there for Kyuhyun through thick and thin. And Kyuhyun would be there for him.

It was how they had always been. And how they would always be.

“Let’s sleep now.” Changmin suggested once both cups were empty on the floor. They’d stifled many yawns by now and it was deep in the night. Besides, right then sleep was the best thing for his emotionally drained friend. A good sleep would give Kyuhyun a chance to recharge for a new day.

Kyuhyun acquiesced with a nod. The male was reluctant because there was still so much more for them to talk about, but he was too exhausted to even find a place to begin.

“Chwangs?” Kyuhyun whispered once they were laying side by side under Changmin’s blankets with the lights off.

“Hmm?”

The weight on the bed shifted and suddenly there was a pair of warm lips pressing lightly on Changmin’s cheek. They left just as swiftly as they had come.

“You’re seriously the best.” Kyuhyun announced.

“Yeah I am.” Changmin giggled. If people could see them... “There should be a best friend award made in my honour and each year I’m the sole winner.”

Kyuhyun kicked sleepily at Changmin’s leg. “Don’t let it get to your already inflated ego.”

“Too late.” Changmin shifted his legs out of Kyuhyun’s reach.  “The damage is already done. I’m taking over the world tomorrow and you’re gonna be my side kick.”

“As if.” Kyuhyun yawned, tugging the blanket closer whilst effectively robbing Changmin of it’s warmth. Changmin’s whine caused him to softly laugh. “But seriously, thanks, Changminnie.”

“Anytime, Kyuhyunnie. Anywhere, anytime.”

It didn’t take them long to fall asleep after that. Especially with a warm body to cuddle next to. And just before Changmin drifted off into the sweet lull of sleep, he spoke into the all encompassing darkness.

“Things will be okay Kyu-yah. You’ll be okay.”


End file.
